Bob is hurting, still. We email each other and talk on the phone, but we haven’t seen each other in almost a week. This is new. When we first met we became inseparable. However, I am struggling with my knee and he continues to be incapacitated to some degree, so we’re healing in our own space and keeping contact alive via other forms of communication.
Scott (who, by the way, won a silver medal at his Special Olympics state games in June) and I spent Sunday with mom as she has been feeling depressed given her latest issues. She really appreciated the company and she said it helped to lift her depression. This is huge, the statement of “thank you” from Mom, as she is from the generation that feels they don’t need to say “I love you” or “Thank you”. Personally, even though I know she is grateful and loves me, I enjoy hearing the words.
Tomorrow is the big day for Mom. She has been suffering silently (another generational flaw) with headaches and right eye blindness. This has been going on for a few weeks and only recently did she tell me, and make a doctor’s appointment. The first doctor said she has been having mini strokesand scheduled her to see a specialist.
We will see the specialist and I am concerned. They say the eyes are the mirror of your soul, and for eye doctors the eyes are the mirror of neurological issues, i.e. tumors. I am saying prayers for continued health and long life, as I'm not ready to let go of her.
The highlight of my weekend was being with my 2 year old grandson, Sammy. He is so joyful and so loving that I can’t help but feel joyful and loving, too. He is a gift!
I loved kissing my granddaughter, too. She is due to enter this world in September.
So the bottom has fallen out, but I am handling it. I am a caretaker. It is who I am. It is what I do. I am good at it. When it gets to be too much, my body speaks up, hence the knee issues. The bad knee forces me to slow down and take note of my spiritual being. I have not been giving myself the time and attention I need in order to be strong for others. I am feeling exhausted and numb.
Today I will lie out in the sun and absorb its good healing energy, meet up with a girlfriend to do some whining and some wining, and come home feeling renewed…just in time for tomorrow when I take Mom to the specialist.
7 comments:
My Mama is the same way, she wont let on just how much she is hurting, she just deals with it and keeps on going. I hope your mom will be alright and the doctor will have only good news. I know she is glad you are there for support. :) Kelly
Thank goodness for girlfriends to whine to and let them whine to us. Hope things go well for your Mom. Paula
Sending good thoughts your way for your mother. I lost my mom when I was just 34 years old (28 years ago), so you are very lucky to still have her. I hope you and Bob get back to the life you want really soon. Hang in there. Every day brings some kind of change.
Hugs, Joyce
Sounds like your plan to do a little "self-care" is just what you need. Hope things start looking up soon!
As for your Mom, I think she's more likely to have arterial blockage than a tumor. (Obviously, this is in no way certain, and her appointment will tell you more.) My Dad went through that several years ago--he had three TIA's (mini-strokes) and when my sister the nurse insisted that he go to the hospital, they found that he had 90-some% blockage in one of his carotid arteries. He's very lucky they found it before he had significant stroke. He was scheduled for surgery the next day, they cleaned out the artery, and bada bing bada boom, here he is at 85 and still going strong!
While it was scary at the time, the outcome was wonderful, and I hope that gives you some encouragement.
Hang in there,
Beth
It does seem that "when it rains it pours" sometimes and we do need some down time to make some recovery. Wishing you LOTS of good times ahead:).....alice
Having worked in eye & neuro at different times, the tumor dx is a lot less likely than people think, but of course, is a possibility. I hope it does not go that way for your Mom.
I understand assuming the role of a parent's protector, as I have done it myself, but you are more than due for some You time. Glad you plan on taking it. ~Mary
I hope you do not wine to much tonight and that you get good news at your Mom's appointment tomorrow.
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