Bark! Sit! Heel!

 

 My small dog,  Sheba, barks ferociously at big dogs thinking her bark will chase them away, or bring them closer. I’m never quite sure.  The big dogs, meanwhile, look her over, give a snort, and amble along leaving poor Sheba confused and alone.  “Next time, try acting cute and intelligent when you want a dog's attention,” I whispered.  

            As the next large dog approaches, Sheba prances about showing off her assets.  She begs, offers her paw, sits down, dances, and speaks, “Woof!”  The big dog totally amazed at the intelligence and cuteness of this little wonderment, acknowledges Sheba with a snort and invites her to chase him around the park. 

Now I am an educated woman, raised two children, taught in the public school system, but can’t get men to notice me.  Am I barking too loud?  Maybe I should dance, lie down, and present my paw so I can get a snort and an invite to romp around a park for the afternoon.  

Think about it…dogs don’t think.  If the scent of another dog excites them, they don’t run to the book of rules to find out what to do.  When Sheba sees a dog she doesn’t run to her cave to think things over. The rules say I’m to play the game by looking interested and nothing more.  It says I’m to wait for Mr. Right to do the pursuing.  Supposedly, the act of pursuit makes him feel significant…like a big dog, I guess.    

Lately, I have surrendered to being on my own. Instead of chasing after men aggressively on the Internet, I chase Sheba around the park.  A new dog owner smiles at me.  Instinctively, I strike a pose, act cute and speak intelligently.  The handsome dog owner is impressed.  He invites me to lunch because he thinks I’m the greatest idea since retractable leads.  Sheba barks appreciatively.